Wednesday, August 13, 2014

In Loving Memory... I Miss & Love You


When you pray for someone you love to be healed, you pray with all your might and every part of your being, hoping and wishing with your complete heart that they will get better.  But sometimes God has a different plan.
My Aunt had been fighting cancer for several months, when suddenly things took a turn for the worst.  I don't think I have ever prayed quite so hard or determinedly in my life.  My whole family was praying, and there are so many of us that I imagined all of our prayers coming together for a miracle.  However, my Aunt Betty ended up passing away.  This was last week, just shortly after we returned from our trip.  It is so hard to believe, so difficult to grasp, and it was so sudden.  Losing her is a jolt to my mind, awakening me to what I so often take for-granted, how precious each day is, how blessed I am to be alive, and how valuable each memory of each moment with those I love is.  She was so young and had so much life to live and love to give.  When I lose someone, I mourn because of how much we miss them and that there is a hole in our family where they should be, but I also mourn for how sad I feel to know that that person can no longer be with their family and that they can't enjoy the little things of life that they loved.  Every time I do something that stands out to me as a moment that makes life so beautiful, I think of them and how I wish they were still here to feel that, too.  I think of the things they are missing out on getting to do now.  My Aunt was an amazing seamstress and that is just one thing I think of... the dresses she won't get to sew and enjoy creating now.  I grieve over the weddings and family events she will be absent from, the special moments she won't be there for with her children, grandchildren, and us as her whole family.  When someone lives a life as beautiful as she, it is hard to accept that they won't be here anymore to keeping living it.

For living a short life so far, I have experienced much loss in death of friends and loved ones.  Death never gets easier to deal with.  This time was harder for me because I am older and I think I have a heightened sense of the ache of sadness that it leaves you with.  It was also devastating to our family because of the strength of character and beautiful soul that my Aunt Betty had.  She was a rock in our family.  I will miss her so much... miss getting to know her better as a young woman instead of a girl, miss her bright smile that is forever stamped in my mind (such a beautiful smile), her sparkly eyes, her voice, her giving heart.  I pray for comfort for my Uncle- her husband- because I cannot even imagine how much he is missing her and all of those remarkable things about her right now.

I am at a loss for words, so in describing her, I will take the words straight from her beautifully written obituary.  Whoever wrote this could not have said it more perfectly.

"She was a beautiful person with the most loving soul. She was kind and selfless to anyone that crossed her path. Her ultimate passion in life was to give her very best to her family. She loved her husband, children, and grandchildren deeply and without measure.
She delivered her creativity to the entire community through her beyond rare ability to craft custom heart felt hand-made creations. 
One of the most important things to her was her relationship with God. The legacy she leaves on this earth is that her children will grow in their relationship with The Lord and pass that love and devotion on. 
Although she was taken too soon from those that loved her, we know she will always be with us and we will remember to keep her in our hearts everyday.
We love you always and forever."

Our hearts are so heavy, but I am thankful to be blessed with a large and loving family that is so supportive and holds each other up during times like this.  Her memorial service and funeral could not have been more beautiful, and being there and mourning with my family has allowed my heart to let out some of the ache I have felt over the past week.  My Daddy played Amazing Grace for her at the church service the day of her funeral, lovely verses were read, and beautiful songs were played.

My Aunt Betty was most passionate in her life about her faith in God and about caring for her family, devoting herself to raising four children and to her 37 year marriage.  She was kind and selfless to all she met and went out of her way to help others.  She leaves with me the highest inspiration to live my life with that same kind of devotion, reminding me of what in life holds the most true meaning.
Looking at her photos at the service and now, my heart feels a sorrow that is hard to describe.  I am thankful to have been blessed to be her niece.  I will miss her and wish that I could have spent more time with her, but I know that someday I will get that chance, because it isn't goodbye forever. ♥

When I think of her, I will picture her beaming smile and her loving spirit.  I will also think of this song that she loved, because it was played at the service.  It was also played for my Grandma's when she passed away.  This song makes me think about how our faith as a family is the only way we are getting through this loss.  I cherish this song for it's meaning, and now because it will be a reminder to me of the beautiful person that my Aunt Betty was and that she will always remain with us in our hearts.... our inspiration of strength, because she was undoubtedly one of the strongest, if not the strongest, women I was ever blessed to know.  She went through tragedy and sorrows in her life, but she relied on God even more and became even stronger because of it.

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not
be dismayed, for I am your God; I will
strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous
right hand"
-Isaiah 41:10

"Blessed are those who mourn,
for they shall be comforted"
-Matthew 5:4

"I grieve for all the tomorrows that will
never be.  I grieve because God now
holds you instead of me"

"Goodbyes are not forever, are not
the end; it simply means I miss you
until we meet again"

I hope you have a blessed day!


  1. Jazzmin, My deepest sympathy to you and your family in this loss. Aunt Betty was born the same year as me. She sounds like a precious, Christian woman who was an inspiration to all who knew her. This is a very lovely tribute to her. I am thankful you have shared this post with us. It is a reminder to cherish those we love every day. I am thankful that as Christians, we will be reunited in Heaven. God bless you. Mildred

  2. Oh, prayers are with you and your sweet family.
    With love and hugs,
    Mrs. Laura

  3. Dear Sweet Jazzamin,
    I am so very sorry for your loss.
    She will live on in the pieces of herself she left behind in those who love her.
    As true as that is, I know it does not take away the ache in your heart.
    Hugs, my friend.

  4. Jazzmin,
    I am so sorry to hear this. It makes my heart hurt hearing this.
    I pray that your family feels the peace of Christ during this time, and that y'all do not forget what she has taught y'all.
    Love, hugs, and prayers, sweet Jazzmin!

    “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” -Winnie the Pooh

    1. Oh Jazzmin, I am so sorry to learn about your Aunt Betty's passing...going home to be with Jesus. Grieving is such an important part of losing someone to death. It is something that we need to do when we lose someone close to us. I will be remembering your family, especially your uncle, as you all go through this time of hurting hearts. xo Dianna

  5. Oh dear Jazzmin, my heart aches for you and your family! I am so, so sorry for your loss and wish I could wrap my arms around you in a big hug! Praise the Lord for precious memories for they become such sweet blessings when we have lost loved ones - we can visit them in our hearts.

    Praying for you and your family, sweet friend. May our gracious Lord comfort and strengthen you during this time of loss. Sending you my love!

  6. I am so terribly sorry for your loss, Jazzmin. It is always so painful when a loved one dies especially after you have prayed and hoped so hard for a miracle in their life. But what a comfort to know she has gone home to be with the Lord! Praying that God fills your heart with His love and comfort!
    Love, Hannah

  7. Oh Jazzmin, I'm so sorry for the loss of your special aunt. Thankfully you have such loving memories of what a wonderful woman she was to you and others.
    I so appreciate you stopping by with your kind and thoughtful words on my post I wrote on the anniversary of my hubby's passing. xo

  8. I am so sorry for the loss of your Aunt Betty, Jazzmine. It is so hard to face a loss when we've prayed our hearts out expecting a miracle, a healing. It is hard for us to see, in the fullness of the hurt, that they are now healed, that we got a miracle, just not the one we wanted. We want our loved ones here with us, so that we can have them and they can have us and our families aren't rocked by such intense grief. We want our lives to go on as they have, with those we love here with us. Your Aunt Betty and my daddy, they are both fully healed now and in Heaven with our Heavenly Father. We are here with broken hearts that will never be fully put together again until we're on the other side with them.

    What a beautiful reunion that is going to be when we get to Heaven with all of those loved ones that we long for so much. I could feel the intensity of your pain as I read your post and my heart hurts for yours. Please know that I am praying for you and your family. {{{Hugs}}}


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